He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He felt like a one man threesome
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
