3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
where are my eyebrows?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
