he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
