I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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