I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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