He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
