He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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