Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
