well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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