bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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