Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
