Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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