Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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