I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I touched a dick in church today
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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