You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
