i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
