just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
