Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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