also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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