I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize