That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
