office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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