i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
