I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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