You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
