I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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