Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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