btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize