I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize