Farmville is her only friend.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
