I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
