God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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