Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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