Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
