Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
