whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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