hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
