i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
