I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
