she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
