I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We have started to decorate penises.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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