Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
