You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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