Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
