A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
