Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize