i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
