are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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