It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
