I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
