so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
