24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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