yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize