So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
