i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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