The maid of honor just puked.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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