You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
