i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
