fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
