so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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