Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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