WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
