I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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