I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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