I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
