I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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