i want to swaddle you in tequila
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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