Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
