Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
