just tell him i said nine months
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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