well I can't set my house on fire every night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
