I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
