Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
